Caregiver Humor: Jokes About Getting Older

Whether it be you or someone you are taking care of, we can all find humor in these jokes about aging and getting older. After all, laughter is known to be the best medicine. Just keep in mind that these are all in good taste and are not meant to offend anyone. Click here for pictures to pin!

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. -Bob Hope

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -Billy Crystal

I'm not keen on taking pills, so when my doctor gave me a prescription to lower my blood pressure, I asked him if there were any side effects. "Yes," he said, "Longevity." -Bella Kelly

Though I often pride myself on appearing younger than my 59 years, I had a reality check when I brought my mother back to the nursing home after a visit with us. As I struggled with her suitcases, two elderly gentlemen held the door open for me. "We hope you will be very happy here," one of them said to me. -Marion Clouse

To celebrate my retirement, my wife and I dined with a friend we hadn't seen in years. The next day he sent us an e-mail that included (I hope) an honest mistake: "How wonderful it was to see you both aging." -Lawrence Dunham

Here's one way of making sure a sales promotion won't bankrupt your business. A sign in a local barbershop read "We offer senior-citizen discounts. Must be at least 80 years old and accompanied by a parent." -Robert McGrory

Not long after my grandfather bought my grandmother a pair of powerful (and expensive) hearing aids, Grandma accidently washed her wair with them in. "Oh great," she said to me. "If your grandfather finds out that I damaged these hearing aids, I'll never hear the end of it." -Jere Sandberg

I recently ran into the woman who used to clean our house and was surprised to hear that she was still at it despite her advanced age. "How do you manage it?" I asked. She explained her secret: "I just keep clients who can't see the dirt any better than I can." -Malcolm Campbell

How can you tell you're getting old? You go to an antiques auction and three people bid on you. -Anonymous

A couple are getting ready for bed after a long day's work. "I look in the mirror, and I see an old lady," the woman says to her husband. "My face is all wrinkled, and I'm sagging and bagging all over. And look at this flab on my arms." Her husband is silent. "Hey!" she says, turning to him. "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." "Well," he says, "your eyesight is still great." -Jeffrey Raiffe

Feeling listless, I bought some expensive "brain-stimulating" pills at the health-food store. But it wasn't until I got home that I read the label. "This is just rosemary extract," I complained to my husband. "I can't believe I spent all that money for something that I have growing like wild in the yard!" "See?" he said. "You're smarter already." -Susanne Higbee

The antiaging ad that I'd like to see is a baby covered in cream, saying, "Ah! I've used too much!" -Comic Andrew Bird

A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! I don't feel a day over 100!" -Mary Cipollone

A neighborhood photography studio offered a special that few could resist. The sign read: Now shooting seniors for free. -Linda Cantrell

We invite grandparents to a special day at our school, culminating in a photo op with grandparent and grandchild posing in front of a colorful display from a history class. Only after the last shot was snapped did we notice what appeared above each grandparent's head: a banner screaming, "Discover the Ancient World." -Debbie Wooster Miller

I heard an older woman complain about her aches. But her friend one-upped her: I woke up this morning and thought I was dead because nothing hurt." -Nancy Kunkel

Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. At a party an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years!" "Oh," said Mom, horrified. "I hope I didn't look like this 20 years ago." -Jim Brading

I'm bald--well, balding. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. And I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. "Where's your hair?" "I lost it. You know me. Where are my keys?" -Isaac Witty

The woman in front of me at the motor vehicles office was taking the eye test, first with her glasses on, then off. "Here's your license," the examiner said when she was done. "But there's a restriction. You need to wear glasses to drive your car." "Honey," the woman declared, "I need them to find my car." -Nicole Haake

Some of us took our friend, an older woman, out to lunch to celebrate her birthday. When the waitress came to take our order, one of the women told her, "This is a special occasion. Elsie is 92 today." The waitress made seven instant enemies and one friend by asking, "Which one is Elsie?" -Anonymous

Two neighbors appeared in court, each woman accusing the other of causing trouble in their building. "Let's get to the evidence," the judge said in an effort to end their bickering. "I'll hear the oldest woman first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. -Anonymous

An elderly couple with memory problems are advised by their doctor to write notes to help them remember things. One evening, while watching TV, the wife asks her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "Sure," he says. "Write it down," she suggests. "No," he says. "I can remember a simple thing like that." "I also want strawberries and whipped cream," she says. "Write it down" "I don't need to write it down," he insists, heading to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later he returns, bearing a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs. "I told you to write it down!" his wife says. "I wanted fried eggs!" -Wendy Levine

Joe was the type who loved to talk about the good old days. At a movie, he told the girl who handed him his five-dollar ticket, "I can remember when a movie ticket was only fifteen cents." "You're really going to enjoy this movie then, sir," said the ticket girl. "We have sound now." -Ed Fischer

What do you call a 50-year-old man with no gray hair? Bald -P. D. Witte

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. -Anonymous

At my age, happy hour is nap time. -Carol Lynn Pearson

Lying about my age is easier now that I often forget what it is. -Carol Lynn Pearson

Pin these jokes!

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
We offer senior-citizen discounts
How can you tell you're getting old?
The antiaging ad that I'd like to see
Now shooting seniors for free
Discover the Ancient World
Honey, I need them to find my car
I'll hear the oldest woman first
Joe was the type who liked to talk about the good old days
What do you call a 50-year-old man with no gray hair
The older a man gets the farther he had to walk to school
At my age, happy hour is nap time
Lying about my age is easier now

Do you have any good jokes about getting older? Share them in the comments down below. Just make sure to keep it clean and friendly.

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